This morning we are going to look at the first foundation of the Christian home.  It’s actually a truth that goes beyond home life into the workplace, the church, the school, the social activities and all we do.

This foundation is a right attitude.

Paul says, “1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3, NIV.

In other words, if the right attitude is not behind the right actions, we will have real problems.  In Marcy Phil and Julie will be teaching a Sunday school class that will focus on reaching the heart of your children.  This is so important, because attitude, the heart, affects behavior.

In the Christian home, that is the home with a Christian and a home that Christian follows Christ, the foundation of a strong home, a strong family, is a right attitude.

I believe that the number one reason for divorce is a negative attitude.  The writer to Hebrews says, “15 See to it that no-one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15, NIV.

In the book of Malachi, God is dealing with priests who were divorcing their wives.  The women were not committing immorality.  The women were doing nothing to deserve this kind of treatment.  It was wrong.

So God said, “16 “I hate divorce, and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.” Malachi 2:16.

Guard your spirit.  It is this root of bitterness, this negative spirit, that if allowed to grow, will contaminate your marriage, your family and any other person touched by it.  Guard your spirit, guard your attitude towards others.

“7 “Why then, did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” Matthew 19:7, 8, NIV.

Jesus said that the reason that Moses permitted divorces was because your hearts were hard.  Whatever else that means, it points to a negative attitude.  A hard heart will always be accompanied by a negative attitude.

If you want your family to be Christian, you need to guard your spirit, guard your attitude.

Notice that Jesus says, “But it was not this way from the beginning…”  What was not this way?  Divorce.  Hard hearts.  Neither were part of the original paln.  Why?  Because before the fall, Adam and Eve looked at one another just the way God intended.

We have problems because we are born in sin.  We lie, cheat, steal, get angry,  backbite, become bitter, gossip, and spiteful.

When we become Christians, the Holy Spirit enters into battle with these negatives and works to infuse love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, meekness and faith with in us.  The Christian is changed step by step, moment by moment.

The Christian acknowledges the presence of sin and from the heart wants God to change them from the inside out.

We know it was not this way from the beginning.  We did not have this attitude at the altar and this attitude was not in existence before we fell.

Let me give you a glimpse of the truth of God before the fall.

This truth is found in Genesis 1:26-27.

“26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:26, 27, NIV.

• Background- 6th day of creatiion
• Man created in God’s own image
• Man = male + female
• Idea:  Was the image the image of the trinity expressed in some degree in man and woman?
• This was very good “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning--the sixth day.” Genesis 1:31, NIV.

God saw that his creation was very good.  We love the sky, the ocean, the snow.  Kittens and dogs intrigue us.  We love to watch birds eat at the feeders.  We look at that and say, “Very good…God did it good!”

But we look at a person of the opposite sex, a man or woman that has made a major commitment to be with us, to raise children together, to combine resources, to walk together, live together and love together and we say…

If what first came to your mind was a critical statement, then you understand what God is saying when we need to guard our spirit.

Do you think that God is pleases when he hears the names we call one another in the privacy of our homes?  Do you think God is pleased when reads our innermost thoughts?  Do you think that God is pleased with the way we treat one another?

If you are saying, “yes, I believe God is pleased with my thoughts, my speech, my treatment of other people,” and Jesus is important in your home, than you have laid a strong foundation.

But if you say, “No.  I am bitter, negative, ugly at times, rude, impatient, unkind to my spouse”, then God wants you to change your attitude.  For your attitude is driving your actions and the problem starts with the negative attitude.

For those who are Christians who care about Christ, you will also care about this issue.

What do you do if you have a bad attitude towards your spouse?

First,  I would tell you to change your actions.

It might seem like a contradiction to change actions before we change attitude, but it isn’t.

I Corinthians 13, which speaks about how we need love in all we do goes on to say this in verses 4-7

“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

What do you do when your attitude is wrong?  Be patient.  Be kind.  Stop envying.  Stop telling yourself how good you are and how bad the other person is. Don’t be rude.  Don’t fight for your own way just to have your own way.  Control your anger.  Don’t run through the 20 year list of all the person has done wrong.  Find something that is true and rejoice in it.  Protect, trust, hope, keep on keeping on.

When we respond in this way, we often find the other person changing towards us.  They are used to the rude, angry, unkind, impatient us.  They now have to figure out how to deal with the polite, calm, kind and patient us.  They may find that a struggle.

Be loving.  That is what I Corinthians 13 tells us.  Be praying.  Pray that God would help you to live as a Christian in what may be a difficult circumstance.  Pray that God will help you to not be dragged down to the level that you often feel dragged down to.

Seek the Lord.  It will be through His strength and His grace that this will happen.

But the more you lean on the Lord in your home, the more Christian you home will become.  And the more He will get the glory for the things He has done in you, for you, and through you.

Bill Bouknight tells the story of a certain isolated Pacific island where it was the custom that when a young man proposed marriage, he would announce his intention to the entire village. Then he and the whole community would go to the young woman's home. Her father would come outside and then -- in front of the community -- the father and suitor would barter. Obviously, there was no feminist movement on the island.

The main item of value on the island was the cow. Therefore, a suitor would offer the father a certain number of cows for his daughter. The average bride was worth two cows, perhaps three if she was unusually bright or attractive. The all-time record was four cows.

The most eligible bachelor on the island was Johnny Lingo. He was handsome and wealthy. Imagine all the excitement among the women of the island when Johnny announced one day that he had selected a wife. But then he shocked everyone by announcing that his choice was a girl named Lisa. Lisa was not even in the top ten. She was regarded as rather plain and frightfully shy. Some of the jokers in the crowd even suggested that Lisa's father might pay Johnny a cow or two.

The community gathered at Lisa's house for the bartering. Then came an even greater shock. Johnny's opening bid for Lisa was eight cows! Her father almost fainted, but he managed to say yes. That very evening Johnny and Lisa were married. They departed for their home on an adjacent island.

For a full year no one saw Johnny and Lisa. Then on their first anniversary they returned to visit their parents. From the moment they arrived at the dock, the grapevine went ballistic with gossip. Everybody said, "Come and see Johnny and Lisa! You won't believe it!" Everybody came, but nobody noticed Johnny. All eyes were on Lisa. She had been transformed! She was a vision of loveliness. She was poised, warm, friendly, and confident.

At the end of the day as Johnny and Lisa were preparing to return to their home, one of Johnny's long-time friends pulled him aside and said, "I want to know the secret of this amazing transformation in Lisa. How did it happen?"

Johnny said, "I will tell you. From the time Lisa was born, she had been treated as though she was not worth very much. She had begun to believe that about herself. But I announced to the community that she was an 8-cow wife, and I have treated her just that way. She has become that vision of herself that she sees every day in my eyes."

If you want an 8-cow wife or husband, you have to catch that vision first and then treat him or her that way. And God, the master change agent, may produce that 8-cow wife or husband that you envision