This morning I am going to venture where no man should ever go, I am going to talk to you about how to choose a mate.

A number of years ago our family was crossing Route 2 for a vacation in Vermont. Written on the paper placemat at MacDonalds were these inspiring words. These words have been repeated so many times in my house that if you went to either of my daughters, they would quote them word for word with a disgusted look which would say, “Did he say that from the pulpit?” Here is what was written. “When it comes between choosing a man or a horse, ignore the advice of your friends and family and make up your own mind.”

There are so many voices out there. But I would encourage people to listen to what is being said. If one person says something, there may be bias or history that affect what is said. But if many people are coming to you and saying, “Wait, this is not good!” you need to listen.

I believe firmly in the institution of marriage. I believe that living together is against God’s law, bad for society, and bad for you. When it comes time to choose someone to marry, there are certain qualities you should look for.

I am also speaking to those who are married: If you are not the ideal mate for your spouse, change. You don’t have to continue to do what you have always done, by God’s help you can change.

I am not going to give you all the marks you should look for in a mate. But I am going to try to be a help on this Sunday before Valentine’s Day to give instruction on how to choose and how to be a good life-partner.

So let me tread with great fear into an area that may be helpful to some this morning.

The backdrop for our message is in the love relationship between Boaz and Ruth found in Ruth chaper 2.

8 So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with my servant girls. 9 Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the girls. I have told the men not to touch you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.” 10 At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She exclaimed, “Why have I found such favour in your eyes that you notice me--a foreigner?” 11 Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband--how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. 12 May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.” 13 “May I continue to find favour in your eyes, my lord,” she said. “You have given me comfort and have spoken kindly to your servant--though I do not have the standing of one of your servant girls.” (Ru 2:8 -13).

It is obvious that these two people are attracted to each other. At least it is clear here that Boaz is attracted to Ruth. But Ruth is won over by Boaz. I am going to go through this passage and highlight some attractions between Boaz and Ruth. I am not going to separate them into what attracted Boaz and what attracted Ruth, but I will list them in order as they appear.

Kindness attracts. Kindness attracts. As we look at this story, Ruth finds Boaz a kind man.

8 So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with my servant girls. 9 Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the girls. I have told the men not to touch you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.”

Here is a young woman. She has lost her husband. She has no job, no source of income. She goes out to glean the leftover wheat from the fields in the area.

What does he find? She finds Boaz. And what does Boaz say? He says, Stay here. Stay with my own servants who are also gleaning the fields. You need water? Get a drink.

What a great relief. Ruth would have had to have traveled around the countryside. Now she has only one destination each day. And if they switched fields, she would be in the know the day before.

This was unusually kind. Boaz was a kind person.

It frightens me to find people who are attracted to unkind people. If your boyfriend or girlfriend treats others with rudeness and contempt, if he or she likes hurting people or shunning them I have news for you. When the newness wears off, they will do the same to you. You might notice it already, you might be troubled by how unkind they are, but you like them and you are hoping they will change. One of the best predictors of how someone will act tomorrow is how they acted yesterday.

Kindness is an indication of the fruit of the Spirit. In Galatians 5:22-23, kindness is mentioned as a fruit of the Spirit. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Ga 5:22 -23).

If your friend says, “I am a Christian” but has no heart for God and is unkind, you might wonder if their confession is true.

Their unkindness should be a red flag.

Ruth is surprised at this rich man’s gesture towards this poor widow. But what a blessing.

In this verse is the second attraction. Protection! Boaz gives reasonable protection for Ruth.

The women who gleaned the fields were ripe for sexual predators. Boaz promises Ruth that if she stays in his field, she will have his protection during that time.

As one can imagine, that would come at a great relief. If not, every trip out, every day in the fields, would be a day of danger. These fields were unsafe for women. And to have someone who cares enough to provide reasonable protection is a wonderful thing.

You might wonder why I say reasonable protection. There are people out there who will try to run your life. They think they know what you should say, what you should wear, what you should eat, who you should talk to, where you should go, when you should go, how you should spend your money, how much money you should spend, and all of these are done “for your protection.” This is not protection, this is control. There is a huge difference.

The Bible says, “Love always protects.” Boaz makes sure that Ruth is not put into any dangerous situation. He does not force this on her, but is willing to protect her.

Imagine the opposite. If your friend puts you into dangerous situations, be aware. If they do things illegal and encourage you to come along, if they drive dangerously or let others hurt you when there is no need, red flags should go up. If they do not protect you but hurt you physically or are giving you constant emotional pain, walk away.

If they don’t protect, if they don’t care about your safety, if they are dangerous themselves, then this is not a good choice for a life-mate.

But when you have someone watching your back, as we say in the military, it is a good thing.

So kindness and a willingness to protect are important. We move on to a third: From kindness and protection we add character.

Ruth wonders at this unexpected good treatment. So she asks, “Why are you doing this?

10 At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She exclaimed, “Why have I found such favour in your eyes that you notice me--a foreigner?” 11 Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband--how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. Do you see Boaz’ answer? Everyone was talking about this foreigner who left her family to help her mother-in-law.

Death is a messy business. When a central member of the family dies it can affect a lot of relationships. If you are a young widow, what obligation do you have to your in-laws? If death separates, what relationship and obligations would you have to your spouses family? The answer varies greatly depending on how long someone was married and what the relationship was between the person and their in-laws. Would you go at Christmas to your in-laws if your husband died? Would you buy birthday presents for your in-laws if you wife died? Would you visit their homes if you were dating someone else? What if they moved to another state or country? Would you visit them or stay in contact? Life gets complicated.

Ruth stayed with her husband’s mother even when Naomi, her mother-in-law, decided to return from Moab, Ruth’s home country, to Israel. One reason she went out into these fields was to help her mother-in-law.

Boaz saw how she treated her mother-in-law and was impressed and attracted to Ruth. Why? Because she was a woman of character and principle. In her heart was this desire to do what was right, even if it meant personal sacrifice.

If you are a Christian, this has to be attractive. When you have someone who wants to do right, live right, be right, you will be attracted to them. You can trust people of character. You get support from people of character.

If you want to know how a person will be in marriage, look at how they treat others. It isn’t always accurate but much of the time it is.

This idea of Character is similar to the idea of Virtue, which the Bible speak about in Peter’s books.

What about someone who doesn’t have character? What if they steal from their parents or their boss? What if they are willing to lie to get what they want? What if they have no concern about keeping the law at tax time or any other time? I have met Christians who believe in obeying the laws they believe in. The one’s they don’t, they break.

And how can you be sure that they won’t do to you what they have done to others? Before you marry a person, look at their character.

And finally, look at their faith.

12 May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”

Boaz was a man of faith. He trusted in the Lord. He talked about the Lord. He walked with the Lord, he knew what the Lord would do for her. He was a man of faith, faith in Jehovah, God. Ruth had earlier made a commitment to follow God.

15 “Look,” said Naomi, “your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.” 16 But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.” (Ru 1:15 -17).

If you look into your future and you see Christ in it, marry someone who will fit in that picture. If you have a desire to follow Christ, marry someone who is walking with you. If you have a dream of being used by God, marry someone who has the same dream.

If not, you will have fights. You will want to go to church and he or she will not. You will want your children to be in Sunday school and youth group and he or she will not. You will want to support the Lord’s work financially and he or she will not. You will want to pray at meal time and the other person will not. You will want to read the Bible or have Bible stories for your children. The other one may not. You might want to talk about a spiritual insight or take a missions trip. You may find yourself disappointed and in conflict over any of these things. At the very least, you will have spiritual separation because Christ is not the center of the home.

So if you are looking for someone to marry, check out their kindness, their willingness to protect, their character and their faith. You put that bundle together and you’ve got something that will bring blessing into your life.

As we know Boaz and Ruth get married. Their son was Obed. Their grandson was Jesse. Their great-grandson was David, the first major king of Israel.